This week's e-newsletter by Cheryl Richardson http://www.cherylrichardson.com/ mentioned that regarding Mother's Day, "one gift that seemed most important to women was quality time alone." As a mother of young children, this statement did not shock me; this is exactly what I 'ask' for each year. Strangely, though, I thought I was in the minority. None of my mom-friends mention the desire to get away. So I felt partially vindicated to learn that I have company after all. It's good to know I'm not the only ogre whose greatest reward on Mother's Day is to pretend NOT to be a mother for a brief spell.
But seriously, if I put Mother Guilt aside, I can tell you that I don't really believe my need to take a break is because I'm a bad mother. Rather, I need a break because I allot so much energy on a regualr basis to being a good mother. This is not to say that I accomplish this goal daily. But the effort and intention are there just the same.
My children deserve the best from me. But my best self sometimes gets lost between the soccer field and gymnastics class.
Before I started to honor my need for alone time, I worried that once lost, my best self would never return. Now that I'm a seasoned Mom, I know just where to find it. It's not under the laundry or in the sink with the dishes. It's not even under my pillow or at the mall. It's somewhere, anywhere, far away from my responsibilities. It's in this far away place that I return to that feeling of deep, patient, rewarding love for myself and my family. It's in this place that I quickly realize how lonely the quiet can be. I have to fight the urge to rush home to the comfort of chaos. But I make myself stay long enough to hear everything the silence has to tell me. And then I rush home with renewed inner strength to the role I love more than any other I've ever had - being Mom.
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