Singin' In the Rain

The only thing worse than an entire month of rain is listening to people complain about it. Here in the Northeast, we've been experiencing several weeks without sunshine. I've come to expect that the first words out of anyone's mouth these days is a negative commment about the weather.

Even though I'm a devout sun worshipper, I'd like to play devil's advocate here.
Is it the rain that's a downer, or is it our attitudes about the rain? If we dug just below the surface of our discontent, we would see the gifts in the rain - that our flowers and grass are sporting a happy, colorful glow instead of the parched one they normally show by mid-summer. Or we might see how creative and productive and 'together' our families can be indoors when the sun is not calling us out.

Why is it that we have to dig for the treasures in what we have deemed 'adverse weather'? Because we've been conditioned to a default setting of complaining. Years ago I greeted a new friend with a negative observation about the weather. This older and wiser friend replied, "I've learned not to let the weather affect my mood." Wow! It had never occurred to me that it was possible to be cheery about rain. I had let myself form a belief based on popular sentiment.

Why not buck the trend? Try to see the gifts in a weather pattern, an experience, a person, that you would normally bristle about. As you practice accepting what is and embracing it's gifts, you will automatically change your default setting to one of joy no matter what.
Try singing in the rain like Gene Kelly and feel "happy again." What a glorious feeling.
http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/singinintherain/singinintherain.htm

All I Want for Mother's Day is to Be Alone

This week's e-newsletter by Cheryl Richardson http://www.cherylrichardson.com/ mentioned that regarding Mother's Day, "one gift that seemed most important to women was quality time alone." As a mother of young children, this statement did not shock me; this is exactly what I 'ask' for each year. Strangely, though, I thought I was in the minority. None of my mom-friends mention the desire to get away. So I felt partially vindicated to learn that I have company after all. It's good to know I'm not the only ogre whose greatest reward on Mother's Day is to pretend NOT to be a mother for a brief spell.

But seriously, if I put Mother Guilt aside, I can tell you that I don't really believe my need to take a break is because I'm a bad mother. Rather, I need a break because I allot so much energy on a regualr basis to being a good mother. This is not to say that I accomplish this goal daily. But the effort and intention are there just the same.

My children deserve the best from me. But my best self sometimes gets lost between the soccer field and gymnastics class.

Before I started to honor my need for alone time, I worried that once lost, my best self would never return. Now that I'm a seasoned Mom, I know just where to find it. It's not under the laundry or in the sink with the dishes. It's not even under my pillow or at the mall. It's somewhere, anywhere, far away from my responsibilities. It's in this far away place that I return to that feeling of deep, patient, rewarding love for myself and my family. It's in this place that I quickly realize how lonely the quiet can be. I have to fight the urge to rush home to the comfort of chaos. But I make myself stay long enough to hear everything the silence has to tell me. And then I rush home with renewed inner strength to the role I love more than any other I've ever had - being Mom.

April Fool's

Living with a husband who is a life-long prankster and also 3 young children eager to learn tricks of the trade, April Fool's Day ranks right up there with the other major holdiays for my family. Walking through this day is like walking through a mine field - I never know what trick will be afoot next. Life can be unpredictable enough without April Fool's Day to contend with.

Before 8 a.m. I had witnessed an older sibling drink (and spit out all over the table) water that my five year old had salted. At the same time, the same 5 year old was on a frustrating search for her clothes that had been removed from her closet. My shower was delayed while I searched for soap that had been hidden. And I laughed as I watched another child attempt to lift her backpack that had been loaded with 10 pounds of extra weight.

My older two children, having been apprenticed by their father - the master jokester - for over 10 years, are particularly savy with their tricks. Not to mention that they are hip to outside resources now. I was ready for the usual books in the pillow, and traps on the toilet, but the new one hit me hard. At 2 a.m., an unfamiliar alarm went off at full volume under my bed; an alarm that I had bought for my slow-to-get-up daughter years ago - an alarm that will not turn off unless you retrieve the pinwheel piece that flies off. (Payback is tough.)

As a woman who values sleep above many things, my immediate reaction was an urge to be angry. But as I jumped out of bed cursing, I heard my husband chuckle and say, "Good one!" Instantly, my perspective shifted. The same trick had befallen both of us. We had many choices in our reactions. I chose anger; he chose humor.

And so it is with all of life. The choice is always ours. At any moment we can choose differently. We can choose to find the humor in the mundande, the serious, and even the painful. Humor is always there for us, waving it's hand like an impatient child saying, "Pick me, pick me!"

Luck of the Irish

All the talk of St. Patrick's Day and 'Luck 'O the Irish' has me thinking. Does this pehnomenon called 'luck' really exist?

I'm no authority on the Irish. Genetically, I'm not even a tiny bit Irish. But some of the people I love the most are, including my husband and children. And, living near Boston, everyone gets to be Irish - at least for today. So I feel that I can comment, at least on the 'luck' part.

I'm not convinced that luck exists. I don't think anything in life is that random. Chance happenings, bad luck, and good fortune are simply terms we assign to that which we can't explain or can't control.

I prefer to believe that nothing happens by chance. There are no accidents. And that the Universe is ruled by specific laws. Like the Law of Cause and Effect and the Law of Attraction. We make choices and our choices have natural consequences. Events happen and we respond. To say that we are lucky or unlucky seems to rob us of a sense of order and safety that could comfort us if we believed that the Universe is actually in perfect balance.

Perhaps the word 'luck' rubs me the wrong way because it is often casually misused. For example, I've been told several times that I'm "lucky to be thin". Actually, luck has nothing to do with it. Statements like this lead me to believe that some people are more comfortable assigning life to luck rather than taking responsibility for it.

I refuse to believe that there exists a force in the Universe that would randomly assign events and circumstances of good luck to one and bad luck to another. I believe that we attract to our lives that which we give our attention and energy to. So perhaps the Irish have historically manifested luck by focusing on the positive. If this is the case, then we can all enjoy the Luck 'O the Irish!

The Sweet Stuff at the Bottom

Today I noticed an extra strong scent of citrus when I used my liquid shower soap. As I enjoyed the heightened smell, I wondered, 'why does it suddenly smell so strong?' It occurred to me that since the soap is almost gone, I must be smelling more fragrance because it has settled to the bottom.

A cliche ran through my head: Saving the best for last. Isn't this true of most things? The 'sweet stuff' is always at the bottom. Like the sugar at the bottom of a box of Rice Krispies. Or the syrup at the bottom of a Raspberry Lime Rickey. Just when you're tempted to be disappointed that it's almost gone, BAM, you get a rush of intense flavor.

I'm sure this wisdom can be applied to life. Endings can be so sad, disappointing, and stressful. But if we choose to see differently, we notice the hope at the bottom of a barrel. I'm reminded of a time when my husband lost his job. We were petrified as we had recently purchased a new home. Within months (which seemed like years at the time) my husband had secured the best job he'd had to that date; and in a field of work that suited him better!

I'll bet if we tried hard enough, we could see every ending as a gift. And if we tried really hard, we might even be able to enjoy the gift, reminding ourselves that when we think we've hit rock bottom, we simply need to open our eyes and be patient to find the sweetness that will energize us with a blast of hope. Hope comes in varying forms: a new job, clarity, self-awareness, freedom. Sometimes we can only see clearly when that which has consumed us is gone.

So if you, too, are facing an end - the end of the job, the end of the money, the end of a relationship, the end of your patience - remember, the best is waiting for you at the bottom.

All You Need Is Love

Is it okay to love yourself? Of course it is! Then why are we taught that self-love is synonymous with vanity and selfishness?

For example, religious leaders preach about the sin of pride. Parents chastise their children with warnings like ‘Who do you think you are’? Instead of loving ourselves, we learn to bully ourselves. Negative self-talk can plague us with thoughts of what we should be, should do, or should have, and we end up judging ourselves unworthy of our own affection. With harsh messages running through our heads, self-love is left cowering in the corner.

Self-criticism is only one way that we fail to love ourselves. Consider these other damaging practices: dishonoring your true feelings (i.e. saying 'yes' when you mean 'no'), cheating your body out of the rest it craves, or the food it needs, or adopting other's opinions of you. In these ways, we spend down our physical and emotional bank accounts and then collapse at the end of a day wondering why we have no energy. We generously give our love away to everyone but ourselves. A little self-love could fill us back up.
Try to complete this statement. “If I loved myself more, I would…….”

We deserve the best from ourselves. When we love ourselves, we are able to plunge into life with joy and meet the world with an unapologetic smile that declares, “I know who I am, and I like it.” We may be surprised when the world responds in kind.

So be generous to yourself.
Dare to love yourself more than others do.
Forgive yourself over and over again.
Choose a different response the next time you’re tempted to criticize yourself.

Loving yourself is your best chance at getting what you came for in this life. Our craziest desires tend to come true when we believe in our own worthiness. In the immortal words of

The Beatles:
“Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time – It’s easy. All you need is love.”

Dreams

While listening to reflections on Martin Luther King Day, I heard Dr. Robin Smith's advice to 'Dream like a fool.' http://www.drrobinsmith.com/index.htm

I wonder, is there any other kind of dream? After all, if dreams were easily realized and sensible they would just be called 'plans'. The purpose of dreams is to stretch reality; to dare to imagine what currently does not exist for us.

Dreams are for the young at heart, I've also heard, yet all of history points to the greatest among us who refused - or forgot- to stop dreaming. Dreaming then, is courageous when logic rallies against it. Dreaming is a mark of True Inner Strength for sure. It is not foolish after all. A fool wouldn't know what to do with a dream!